Enough
by kosa0504
Summary: Quinn and Rachel are secret lovers. Series of one-shots detailing their thoughts about their booty-call arrangement.
1. Not Good Enough

Rachel's POV

I hold her in my arms as we lay in my bed. We're wrapped in my sheets even though we're both sticky and sweaty and hot.

Quinn snuggles with me and nuzzles my neck, planting soft kisses there. I try to enjoy the attention but I can't relax. Not when I know the three words that can destroy my world are only a moment away. These little booty calls don't last long enough for me.

"I should go," Quinn whispers against my neck.

I don't nod, don't loosen my grip on her, don't make any attempt to acknowledge what she said. I don't want her to go.

Quinn kisses my neck one more time before untangling herself from me. She sits on the edge of my bed, and my eyes trace the curve of her back all the way down to my favorite spot, the dip where her lower back meets her perfect, toned ass. She turns to look at me, feeling my eyes on her. She smiles softly, and I smile back weakly.

Quinn stands and begins to gather her clothes that have been strewn around my bedroom floor. She dresses and I watch, silently wishing each article of clothing she puts on could come off again.

Quinn goes to the door, about ready to leave. She doesn't come kiss me goodbye. We tried that back when this all started, but we'd usually end up having sex again, which made Quinn really late.

Quinn looks back at me, and tears start to sting my eyes. "I'll text you," she says before stepping out of my room and out of my life again.

She will text me, in about two days when she wants to do this again. Until then, Quinn, my Quinn, the real Quinn is gone. Replaced by the HBIC facade she works so hard to keep up.

I get to see the real Quinn, but only when we're in my room, naked and in the throws of love. We talk about it sometimes, how she has to keep up her facade, how she wishes she could be my girlfriend when we're at school, how it'll all be different once we graduate.

I believe her, but it's still hard to watch my Quinn change into someone I loathe and to have to interact with that evil version on a daily basis. Sometimes my Quinn will peak through the mask. Sometimes I catch a fleeting glance in the hallway or a slight smile when I sing in Glee. Sometimes.

I curl into a ball on my bed as the tears pour down my cheeks. It hurts so much, these booty calls. I feel so used. I wish I could stop but I'm not that strong. If this is the price I have to pay to get to have my Quinn, even for only a few hours every week, then I will suffer the heartache.

My phone vibrates on my nightstand. I have a text message. I reluctantly uncurl myself from the comfort of the fetal position and check my messages.

"I love you -Q"

I don't reply. It doesn't need to be said. Maybe someday these simple gestures will give me butterflies and make me long for her. Someday when we can be together openly. But for now, they only serve to make my heart hurt a little more.

Tears stream down my face again, and I curl back up into myself. I love her, but right now that's not good enough.


	2. Is It Enough?

Quinn's POV

Rachel holds me in her arms. I breathe deep, inhaling the scent of our lovemaking. I shiver despite the fact it's hot under Rachel's sheets and we're both sweating.

I nuzzle her neck and plant sweet kisses on her smooth skin. I feel her tighten her grip on me. I know she doesn't want me to leave.

Unfortunately today, I have to leave earlier than I'd like. Making love took longer than it usually did because we hadn't been together for nearly a week. I was out of town visiting family over the weekend so we couldn't have our usual Saturday afternoon "study session". I would normally stay and cuddle with her for another ten minutes, but unfortunately not today.

"I should go," I whisper into the soft skin below my lips. Rachel doesn't loosen her grip on me or acknowledge what I said. She doesn't want me to go. I can't blame her, I don't want to go either.

I untangle myself from Rachel and sit on the edge of her bed. I can feel her eyes on me, tracing the curve of my back. It makes me shiver slightly. It makes me want to be back in her arms and stay there forever. But that can't happen, not now, not yet.

I turn to Rachel and meet her dark chocolate eyes. My heart drops to my stomach and I smile slightly. She smiles back weakly, and my heart is now at my feet.

I can't stand the look in her eyes, the heartbreak I can see there. I have to leave before I do something to jeopardize our fragile arrangement –er, relationship, whatever this is. I stand and begin to collect my clothes from the floor and dress. I know Rachel is watching me, but I can't meet her eyes again. I can feel my defenses building back up. I can feel the HBIC mask falling back into place and I hate it.

It's not fair, the world we live in. It's not fair I have to keep this a secret. It's not fair I can't hold my girlfriends hand at school. No, I could. But the backlash that would occur, would be too much to bare. High school isn't the time to stand up for true love. High school will be done soon anyway. I just hope Rachel sticks this out long enough to see where our relationship could go once we're not bound by stupid social contracts.

I'm at the door, about ready to leave. I look at her, careful not to look her in the eye. "I'll text you," I say before closing the door behind me and leaving Rachel's house.

I will text her. Maybe in a few days when we can do this again. Until then, I won't acknowledge Rachel unless it's with a disparaging comment about her clothes (which I secretly think are cute) or her "man-hands" (which can skillfully bring me to an overwhelmingly powerful orgasm).

Every once in a while I'll slip up and glance at her in the hallway or smile softly at her when she sings in Glee. But I don't slip very often. Usually I'm a bitch, and I hate myself for it.

We've talked about it, why I do what I do, how we feel about each other, how we can be open once we graduate. I hope she knows how much it kills me inside to have to keep this a secret. I wonder if she has seen the scars on my upper thighs, a product of my self-destructive coping mechanism. I'm sure she has when we make love, but she's never said anything.

I text her on my drive home. I have to let her know how I feel. Even if she doesn't respond in kind, I know she feels the same. It doesn't need to be said, but I text her anyway. "I love you -Q"

Maybe someday she'll send me a cute text in response. Maybe someday we'll be able to openly be together, be happy, be in love. For now, I hope my simple text is enough.


	3. I've Almost Had Enough

Months later

"Baby, what is this?" I ask, feeling scars on the side of her left thigh next to her hip. Quinn tenses up next to me. I know what they are, I've seen them before for a few months now, I just didn't know how to bring up the subject. I don't know what made me want ask about it today, but right now after our Saturday afternoon "study session" seemed like as good a time as any.

Tears start to form in her hazel eyes as I hold eye contact with her. She doesn't look away, but she doesn't say anything either. I suppose she didn't think I would ever ask. I touch her cheek and the tears fall. My tears join hers on my pillowcase.

"It's too hard," she whimpered as we cried together.

"I know it's hard, but this...?" I ask as I touch the scars, a few of them fresh and pink. Self-injury is a cliché teenager response, but it's not something I ever thought Quinn would do.

"I love you," Quinn whispers as if that explains everything. I get mad.

"You say that, but you can't love me unless you love yourself too. This isn't loving yourself, Quinn." There's a bite in my voice I wasn't expecting. Seeing her like this kills me. I thought she was the strong one, I thought she had it together while I was dying inside. I guess this arrangement is killing us both.

"I need help," Quinn says, her eyes begging me for help.

"I can't help you. I'm the cause of this, not the cure."

More tears stream down her face. She knows what I said is true. We're both the cause of each others pain.

"Don't leave me," she begs.

My resolve crumbles. I was ready to tell her we couldn't keep doing this. Now, I pull her to me. I know leaving would do more harm than good.  
>"Never. I'll never leave you. But you need to get therapy."<p>

Quinn nods into my neck. She kisses the spot her nose just rubbed against. We'll keep doing what we're doing, even if it kills us. She promises, just one more year, just until graduation.

I want to, but I don't know if I can make it that long. I've almost had enough.


	4. Until She's Had Enough

Rachel's fingers trail up and down my flat stomach and sides. My eyes are closed as we lay together in her bed, and I'm completely relaxed. Our Saturday afternoon "study session" was quite… productive.

"Baby, what is this?" Rachel asks, as I register that her fingers are ghosting over the scars on my upper thigh. My eyes open wide and meet hers, her chocolate brown eyes filled with concern and fear. Tears begin to sting my eyes, and I don't know what to say. I didn't think she would ever bring it up, those scars have been there for months and I know she's seen them before.

Rachel touches my cheek tenderly, and it overwhelms me. My tears fall, and soon Rachel is crying too.

"It's too hard," I whimper. I never wanted her to ask, I never wanted to hurt her like this.

"I know it's hard, but _this_...?" she says, touching the scars again. Some of them are fresh and pink, and when Rachel touches them, they feel like they're on fire.

"I love you," I say, as if it explains any of this. It was the only thing I could think of saying in this moment, the only thing that makes sense out of this whole mess.

I see anger bubble up in Rachel's eyes. "You say that, but you can't love me unless you love yourself too. _This_ isn't loving yourself, Quinn." There's a harshness in her voice I'd never heard before. Obviously I scared Rachel enough to warrant this anger, but her words hurt nonetheless.

"I need help," I beg. I know this behavior, as cliché as it is for a teenager to cut, is not healthy. It's not okay to have this coping mechanism, but I don't know what else to do. The pain of the cuts is the only thing that makes the pain in my heart go away, even for just a moment.

"I can't help you. I'm the cause of this, not the cure." Rachel is right, of course. She is the cause—well, not her per-say, but the situation we've put ourselves in.

Fear takes hold inside me. Does this mean... "Don't leave me," I say desperately. The harshness in her eyes dies instantly. She knows leaving me would be worse, much worse than staying.

"Never. I'll never leave you. But you need to get therapy," she says. I nod and nuzzle my nose against her neck as she holds me. I kiss the spot my nose rubbed against, silently saying thank you.

We'll keep doing what we're doing, even though it's killing both of us. I make promises. I keep telling her it's just until Graduation, just until we are both free of this damn high school social hierarchy built around us. I keep telling her, in a way, to try and convince myself that what I'm saying is true.

We came close to an end today, closer than we've ever been. And even though she says she'll never leave me, I wonder how much longer until she's had enough?


	5. Can't Get Enough

I felt a tug on my arm. Suddenly I was being pulled into a hallway closet at Puck's house. Puck's parents were gone for the weekend, and he decided to throw a party for the Glee Club. Why I went, I don't really recall. Wait, yes I do, it had something to do with the blonde girl currently abducting me in Puck's front hall closet.

Quinn pushed me up against the closet door and kissed me feverishly. I kissed her back, desperate to quench the need to taste her, a need I'd been trying to suppress all night. Quinn tasted like alcohol and chocolate, I think someone, probably Kurt, had started making chocolate martinis.

Quinn moaned into my mouth as I sucked on her bottom lip. She was delicious. A few moments later I pulled back, solely out of a need to breathe.

"You realize all our friends are ten feet away," I said breathlessly.

"I don't care," Quinn replied, just as breathless. "No one will miss us for a few minutes. I needed you. You look so hot tonight." She kissed me again, running her hands up and down my sides, feeling the fabric of my little black dress. I chose it specifically for Quinn, knowing that she would love seeing me in it. I hoped it might entice her enough to try something tonight, and it looked like it worked.

Quinn was looking equally as gorgeous in a short skirt and lacy camisole top. Our body's pressed together as we kissed and pawed at each other.

"Quinn," I moaned in between kisses, "You do realize... the irony... of us kissing... in a closet."

"Shut up," Quinn said and capture my lips again. She palmed my breast and rubbed her thumb over my nipple.

I gasped, "Jesus Quinn, are we gonna fuck right here?"

"Why not? I can't get enough of you," she whispered, lust in her eyes. I wanted her too, but Quinn was not thinking clearly about the consequences of us getting caught.

"No baby, if we're going to fuck, I want to take my time with you," I said slowly and seductively. "Let's get out of here, go back to my place. My dads should be asleep by now."

"How are we supposed to leave together?" Quinn asked, still sort of aware of the judgments of our friends.

"I'll say I found you puking and I'm taking you home. It's plausible given how much alcohol you've consumed and how compassionate a person I am."

Quinn smirked and rolled her eyes. "Fine, let's just get out of here. I need to get you out of this dress ASAP."


	6. Enough to Satisfy

I couldn't resist anymore. An hour went by of me trying not to drool over Rachel as she pretended to have a good time at Puck's party. She only came to the party because I asked her to. And now here she was, tempting me with her little black dress and sly glances to see if I was watching her.

After a chocolate martini from Kurt, I finally got up the courage, or maybe the stupidity, to follow Rachel upstairs and away from the party. I pulled her into the front hall closet and immediately pressed her against the door in a feverish kiss. Immediately, the ache in my core grew to unimaginable proportions. This little hidden rendezvous wouldn't be enough to satisfy me.

I moaned into her mouth as she sucked on my bottom lip. I'm sure I tasted like chocolate and liquor. I ran my hands up and down Rachel's sides over the fabric of her little black dress that fit her form and hugged each and every curve. She looked superb in it.

Rachel pulled back for a breath. "You realize all our friends are ten feet away," she whispered against my lips.

"I don't care," I whispered back. "No one will miss us for a few minutes. I needed you. You look so hot tonight." I pulled Rachel's face back up to mine. She leaned into my body as I pressed her against the door. She was mine in this moment, and I couldn't have been happier. My hedonistic side, which I normally kept under strict control came out to play with a little liquor and the taste of Rachel. Fuck our friends, fuck getting caught, I needed this.

Rachel moaned against my lips, "Quinn... you do realize... the irony... of us kissing... in a closet."

Of course Rachel could think of irony at a time like this. I wasn't as amused. "Shut up," I said, and captured her lips again in order to reiterate my point. I pressed my hand against her breast and felt her hard nipple against my palm. I squeezed lightly and felt Rachel squirm against me.

"Jesus Quinn, are we gonna fuck right here?"

"Why not? I can't get enough of you," I said. I really didn't care at this point, I just needed Rachel. I needed to taste her, to feel her cum against my fingers, and to cum against hers.

Rachel shook her head. "No baby, if we're going to fuck, I want to take my time with you," she said slowly and seductively. "Let's get out of here, go back to my place. My dads should be asleep by now."

My lusty fog cleared momentarily, "How are we supposed to leave together?" We still weren't out to our friends, we were still pretending to hate each other.

"I'll say I found you puking and I'm taking you home. It's plausible given how much alcohol you've consumed and how compassionate a person I am." Leave it to Rachel to come up with a believable situation to tell our friends.

"Fine," I said, tugging at the fabric of Rachel's dress, "Let's just get out of here. I need to get you out of this dress ASAP."


	7. Leave Well Enough Alone

_Rachel's POV_

Why did I have to bring any of that up? Why couldn't I be content with the silence? Why couldn't I just leave well enough alone? She was in my arms, she was happy, I was happy. We were having a lovely Wednesday late afternoon "study session". I know she had a rough day at school. And I know she always came to me when she needed to relieve some stress, so to speak.

Then I had to go and open my mouth. I had to make her angry. I know she didn't need my pressure on top of everything she was already dealing with. But the word vomit came out. I asked her about her scars. I wanted her to get therapy. I just wanted her to be okay. I didn't want this relationship to kill her.

Quinn yelled at me. She said hurtful things, words only evil Quinn would use. Then she left. She left with such reckless abandon that I was scared she would get into an accident. I quickly grabbed my dads' car keys off the counter, they were gone for the weekend and left one car for me just in case, and I tried to follow Quinn. She was already too far gone for me to trace her path, but somehow I knew where she was.

I drove out to the nature preserve on the edge of town and spotted her car. I said a small thanks to the powers that be that I found her, and rushed over to where I saw her sitting against a huge old oak tree. I saw the knife first, in her left hand. Her eyes were closed and panic took over. I saw the blood covering her right arm. I immediately took off my sweater, a sweater she always hated, and pressed it to her arm.

She opened her eyes at the pressure on her wound, those watery hazel orbs, and she met my eyes. I whispered her name, overcome by the emotions of the moment, that I almost lost her. I wanted to be angry, I was terrified, but instead I felt relieved she was okay.

"How did you find me?" Quinn asked.

"I don't know. I just knew you'd be here."

"I'm so sorry. I just couldn't..."

I pressed my finger to her lips, quieting her. "Let's get you to the hospital."


	8. Life's Hard Enough

_Quinn's POV  
><em>

It started with an argument, a few wrong words about my scars, about whether I was going to get therapy. I didn't need her bitching. My life was hard enough without her judgments. Mom was pissed at me about my grades, Finn was begging to get back together, Santana and I got in a major fight over some stupid shit. I just needed some comfort from the person I came to rely on for my sanity.

And after making love so sweetly, she had to bring all that shit up. She wanted to talk about it. I wanted to forget. I wanted to escape to the comfort of her fingers, her lips, her arms, her bed.

But I snapped. I yelled, screamed, said things only evil Quinn says, and I stormed out. Tears streaming down my face, I drove recklessly through Lima. I didn't know where I was going, I just needed to get away. I found myself driving to a park, a nature preserve on the outskirts of town.

There was no one around, it was too cold out to enjoy nature. I was alone finally. I walked over to an old oak tree and sat down against it. I fumbled with my keys, trying to figure out what I should do. Should I cry? Should I scream? Should I run away? Should I... I spotted a little pocket knife on my key-chain, and my decision was made. I pressed it to my skin and cut deep. The blood spilled over. I cut again and again. I closed my eyes and felt myself slip away. I felt content for the first time ever without Rachel by my side.

I felt the pain dull and tears streak down my cheeks. I said goodbye.

And then the pain in my arm was back, worse than before. I opened my eyes and there was Rachel. She was kneeling over me, pressing her sweater against my arm. I almost smiled, despite myself, it was a sweater I always hated. She wiped the tears from my face, and the look in her eyes was pure terror, fear, and confusion. I scared her now more that I ever had.

She whispered my name, so softly, so full of concern. My heart broke in two.

"How did you find me?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just knew you'd be here."

"I'm so sorry. I just couldn't..."

Rachel pressed her finger to my lips, quieting me. "Let's get you to the hospital."


	9. Had Enough Pain

_Rachel's POV_

How did this happen? How did we get like this? With you in the hospital and me scared out of my mind… My knees bounce up and down as I sit in the waiting area of the Lima Hospital Psych Ward. And despite my fathers, one on either side of me, trying to calm me down, you're all I can think about.

Flashes of you, the blood dripping down your arm, your watery hazel eyes, invade my senses and my heart races. Oh, Quinn… Why did you have to do that? Why did you have to go and… I can't even bring myself to think about it. Why couldn't you have gotten help when I begged you to? Would that have been so hard?

At least you're getting the help you need now. I have to keep reminding myself, at least you're alive and safe, at least you've finally had enough. You hit rock-bottom and now you can start getting better. But, fuck… how did we get here?

It seems like forever ago, but in order to stay calm, I try to remember the good times. I try to remember how this all started. Over a year ago, I think. It seems like longer, but it was only a year ago.

It started with a few words one day after school; a few nice words on my part one day during your pregnancy. You had gotten slushied that day. I saw it happen, Karofsky and Azimio dumped two cups of blue slushie on you. Your eyes met mine for a moment in the hallway, and I saw your deep sadness, your shame, your regrets…

After Glee Club that afternoon, I found you loitering outside school. You didn't want to go home to your family to hide your bulging belly. I stopped and asked you if you were okay. We made small talk, and then I did something that, before you got pregnant, would have been unthinkable. I invited you back to my home for dinner with my Dads. And what was more unthinkable, you said yes.

Dinner was slightly awkward, given that all my fathers knew about you was what I had told them about your bullying me. But in classic Quinn fashion, they warmed to you quickly.

Afterward, we sat on my bed in my room and talked, really talked. For the first time, I saw the real Quinn Fabray, the sweet, caring, vulnerable girl I eventually fell in love with.

As the tears fell down your face and the apologies fell out of your lips, apologies for the insults and slushies over the years, I reached out and brushed the tears from your cheeks. In that moment, our eyes met and then a moment later, our lips met. Our first kiss was powerful and electric, as if we'd both been waiting our whole lives for such a feeling.

It was an awakening for both of us, but we each handled it differently. I embraced my sexuality, you suppressed yours. You avoided me for months afterward. And after you gave birth to Beth, it was back to being the HBIC.

Sometime during that summer, you drifted back to me. At first, it was late night texts and phone conversations. Some nights you'd come over and we'd stay up late talking and watching movies. Then one night, watching TV on my bed turned into cuddling, which turned into a kiss, which turned into more kissing and caressing, which turned into our first night together.

After that night, we couldn't get enough of each other. But school started too soon, and we had to hide what we were doing. "My Quinn" was gone at school, but we found a way after school and on weekends to have our secret "study sessions", and I got to have "my Quinn" for a few hours a week. But the stress of hiding our relationship became too much for you. You had had enough of the pain and anxiety. Without anyone besides me to talk to, you took it all out on yourself. And now, a year after we started, here we are in the hospital.

I'm anxious to see you. They say I'll get to see you once they get you checked in and you've settled into your room. But what will I say to you then? What do I tell you now, now that all this, your stress, your arm, you in the hospital, is because of our relationship?

But the biggest question running though my mind: Where do we go from here?


	10. It Hurts Enough

_A/N: This chapter is a bit longer than the others, though I'm sure you won't mind. This storyline has taken a different path than I had originally planned, but I like where it's going. There are plenty more one-shots ahead, and as soon as I get them from my head to my computer, they'll be here for you all to enjoy. Thank you for reading! _

_Also, I am not a therapist, so if any of the dialog in this chapter seems far-fetched, I apologize.  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>Quinn's POV<em>

I stared at the bandage on my arm as I sat on the hospital bed in my room. It's been hours since it happened, but I swear I can still feel the blood trickle down my arm. I sighed and shivered as a tear rolls down my cheek. How did I get here? How did I become so messed up?

"Quinn?"

I looked up at the sound of my name. I brushed the tears away as the woman in the doorway stepped into my room. She's tall, with strawberry blonde hair, laugh lines around her eyes and mouth, and a calm, pleasant demeanor that indicates she's probably my new therapist.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Hunter."

"Hi," I respond.

"I've been assigned to your case. How about we go to my office and chat?"

I rolled my eyes and sighed, she's a bit too perky for me right now. "Yeah, okay."

I followed her down the hall and into her bright office. She motioned for me to sit in one of two oversize chairs while she sits in the other.

"So, what happened?" Dr. Hunter asked.

I sighed, where do I begin? "I cut myself," I said.

"Why?"

I sighed again. Tears welled up in my eyes. What do I say? Do I tell her? Am I brave enough to see if she'll accept me? "I, um… I'm stressed."

Dr. Hunter nodded, encouraging me to continue.

"I'm stressed because… because I'm secretly dating a girl," I blurted out. I expected Dr. Hunter to lash out in disgust, but she just smiles slightly.

"Tell me about that."

"About dating a girl?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know what there is to tell. We started our thing, relationship, whatever you want to call it, about a year ago. We started out just talking, and then kissing, and then…" I blushed and can't quite meet Dr. Hunter's gaze.

"Why do you have to keep it a secret?"

I let out a small chuckle before shaking my head. "You're gonna think it's dumb."

"Nothing is dumb. We have a reason for everything we do."

"My parents, my world, I can't be gay. I'm the popular girl, the prom queen, the head cheerleader. I'm not…" I paused, trying to choose my words. "My girlfriend, she's the exact opposite of me in the social hierarchy of school. And if anyone had told me a year ago that I'd be in love with her, I would have laughed in their face. But it's so hard, trying to pretend to hate her at school, only getting a few hours a week where we can be alone, having to keep all of this inside…"

"Do you talk to her about how you feel?" Dr. Hunter asked.

"Sometimes. I try to, but she doesn't understand. How could she? She has two gay dads. She's proud of who she is."

"That doesn't necessarily mean she wouldn't understand how you feel."

"I guess not, but I just can't… I see her strength, and you have no idea how badly I want to be strong like her, but everything else tells me I'm supposed to be this perfect person. And I have to pretend to be that person. Every single fucking day. And it hurts. It hurts enough to make me do things I shouldn't."

"Like what?" Dr. Hunter asked.

"Like cut."

"How long have you been cutting?"

"A few months, I suppose."

"And is this the worst cutting you've done?"

"Yeah."

"Well, Quinn, you know you've been admitted to the Mental Health Ward here because of signs of self-injury and depression. You'll be here for a week, and during that time, we will meet every day to talk about whatever you want to talk about, and hopefully we can work through some of the anxiety and depression caused by your relationship. Does that sound like a good plan?" asked Dr. Hunter. I nodded. "Good, then let's continue."


	11. Healed Enough

_Rachel's POV_

I watched Quinn sleeping in my arms. She always looked so peaceful when she is sleeping. Her bandaged arm lay across my stomach as we lay on her hospital bed. In a few days, Quinn would be released from the Lima Hospital Psych Ward. Her scars and her psyche seemed to be healing, though one a little slower than the other.

Quinn had insisted that no one at school know why she was in the hospital. The only people that had been allowed to see her were me, my Dads, her Mom and Mr. Schue. Mr. Schue told Glee Club only what Quinn had allowed him to, that she was in the hospital but doing fine and didn't want any visitors. So far, everyone respected Mr. Schue enough to leave Quinn alone.

At school I kept her secret and pretended not to know anything about why she was in the hospital, despite the roomers floating around. Thanks to Jacob Ben Israel and his blog, speculation ranged from Quinn getting hit by a bus to getting food poisoning at Breadstix.

Quinn snuggled closer to me as she slowly woke up. I kissed the top of her head and she sighed contently. In about five minutes visiting hours would be over, and I would have to leave. I studied her features as she opened her eyes. Her face wore no trace of the stress that had haunted her in past weeks. Her angel-like face turned up to mine and our eyes met.

"Hi," she sighed.

"Hi gorgeous," I replied, kissing her.

"Sorry I fell asleep."

"It's okay. I like watching you sleep."

Quinn nuzzled my neck and planted a few kisses along my neck like.

"I love you," Quinn sighed into her kisses.

"I love you," I whispered back.

"So, it's true," Judy Fabray said from the doorway. Quinn bolted upright, wide-eyed with fear. How long had she been standing there? How much had she seen? But the look on Judy's face wasn't anger or malice, it was more confusion and sadness. My dads stood behind Judy. Hiram placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"How long has this been going on?" Judy asked.

Quinn froze.

I spoke up, "A little over a year."

"And… and you love each other?" Judy asked.

"Yes," Quinn squeaked out. We waited for an explosion, anger, the inevitable 'get out of my house' type response, but it never came.

"Well…okay then," Judy said as she slowly walked towards the bed and enveloped Quinn in a hug.

"You…you're okay with this?" Quinn said with disbelief. I looked on with amazement.

"Well, the Berrys helped…explain a few things to me. Oh, honey, all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. All that 'sinner' stuff was your father, it never sat well with me. I love you, you're still my daughter. And obviously you have good taste," Judy took my hand and gave it a squeeze. I smiled back at her and exhaled a breath I didn't know I had been holding. "Well, we'll leave you two to say your goodbyes, visiting time is almost over," Judy said. She turned and left with my fathers.

Quinn turned to me with tears in her eyes. I pulled her into my embrace and she let go of the tears and anxiety and fear she had been holding in for years. My tears, ones of relief, joined hers. Her mom knows now, and our world didn't crumble. In fact, our world is strengthened. The next step, Glee.


	12. Had Enough Healing

_Quinn's POV_

Rachel held me in her arms as we slept away the afternoon in my hospital bed. In a few days I would be released from the Psych Ward of the Lima Hospital. My arms had healed nicely, and thanks to the surprisingly understanding Dr. Hunter, my mind was healing as well.

Rachel had visited me every day since the "accident", as my mother called it. Rachel, along with her dads and Mr. Schue were the only people I allowed to visit me. I didn't want anyone knowing why I was in the hospital. I asked Mr. Schue to tell the Glee club that I was fine, but I didn't want them to bother me with visits or phone calls. He had done a good job of convincing the group that the best way to support me would be to let me recover on my own. Thank God they respected him enough to obey and leave me alone.

Rachel kept me updated on school. Apparently rumors about my hospitalization abounded thanks to Jacob Ben Israel's blog. There were theories that I had gotten food poisoning from Breadstix or that I had been hit by a bus. Because of all the rumors, I was nervous about returning to school next week. I wouldn't be able to hide the scars on my arms, and I didn't want to have to contend with more rumors about why I did what I did. Some days, I almost considered just coming out to the school so I wouldn't have to deal with any more vicious rumors. Some days.

I snuggled into Rachel's arms as I woke up from my afternoon nap. I opened my eyes and found her deep brown orbs looking into mine.

"Hi," I sighed.

"Hi gorgeous," she replied, kissing me.

"Sorry I fell asleep."

"It's okay. I like watching you sleep."

I nuzzled Rachel's neck and planted a few kisses along her neck like.

"I love you," I sighed into her kisses.

"I love you," she whispered back.

"So, it's true," my mom said from the doorway. I bolted upright, wide-eyed with fear. I didn't know how long my mom had been standing there, watching us, but the look on her face wasn't anger or malice, it was more confusion and sadness. Rachel's dads stood behind my mom. Hiram placed a comforting hand on my mom's shoulder.

"How long has this been going on?" mom asked.

I was frozen. Rachel placed her hand on mine and spoke for me.

"A little over a year," she said.

"And… and you love each other?" mom asked.

"Yes," I squeaked out. I kept waiting for an explosion, anger, the inevitable 'get out of my house' type response, but it never came.

"Well…okay then," mom said as she slowly walked towards the bed and enveloped me in a hug.

"You…you're okay with this?" I said with disbelief.

"Well, the Berrys helped…explain a few things to me. Oh, honey, all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. All that 'sinner' stuff was your father, it never sat well with me. I love you, you're still my daughter. And obviously you have good taste," mom took Rachel's hand and gave it a squeeze. Rachel beamed. "Well, we'll leave you two to say your goodbyes, visiting time is almost over," mom said, leaving with Rachel's fathers.

I turned to Rachel with tears in my eyes and collapsed into arms. All the years of pressure, anxiety, and pain were released as I cried. Rachel's tears joined mine in relief of what just happened. I was in shock; I couldn't believe it. Mom knew. Mom knew and she was okay with it. Mom knew and my world hadn't crumbled. But I was still nervous. I knew what was going through Rachel's mind right now, the next step was Glee.


	13. Acceptance Enough for Two

_Rachel's POV_

Monday was nerve wracking. Obviously, being the wonderful actor that I am, I kept my cool despite what I knew was coming. Today was the day. Today, Quinn and I would come out to Glee Club.

I had never come out before. Sure, I had to tell people about my fathers and my family, but that was easy, it was something I had been raised to do. This was brand new to me, and even though I was confidant about myself and my sexuality, I was still afraid of what could happen. Truth be told, I was terrified. But I needed to be strong, I needed to be confident for Quinn.

I couldn't concentrate in class. Especially the classes Quinn and I shared. Every glance from Quinn told me her mood in that moment. The first glance of the day in the hallway told me she was nervous, the second glance in Spanish told me she was having second thoughts, the third glance at lunch told me she wished the day could go by quicker, and the fourth glance in Geometry told me how badly she wanted to get it over with.

While I'm sure I wasn't nearly as nervous as Quinn, I was still pretty terrified about the step we were about to take. I know the horrible things kids at this school say about my fathers or about Kurt. I know that we'll be accepted in Glee Club, but coming out, no matter how friendly the audience, is no easy task.

Even coming out to my fathers a year ago when Quinn and I first started our, oh what did we call it then… arrangement, I was terrified of what they would say. I knew my acceptance by them was unconditional. I knew my sexuality wouldn't be the issue, but who I was dating would be. Quinn was well known in my household before we starting sleeping together. And though my fathers worried that I would get hurt, and I did get hurt, they welcomed her into our lives with open arms, because they knew her hurting me wasn't out of malice or spite, but out of the lack of acceptance by the rest of society. They, like me, wanted to be her shelter from ignorance and bigotry. Now, her mother can be her shelter too, and hopefully so can Glee Club.

Quinn and I met after school outside Glee Club to ready ourselves for coming out to our friends. I pulled her down a deserted side hallway and took her shaking hands in mine.

"Are you ready for this?" I asked.

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but it needs to happen. I want to be better for you, and that means our friends deserve to know."

I nodded and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you."

We took a moment to embrace and gain confidence from each other. I breathed in her scent and steadied myself. As we pulled apart, I brushed a tear that had fallen down her cheek. I looked into her hazel eyes and nodded. She nodded back, and we headed to the choir room.


	14. Is Their Acceptance Enough?

_Quinn's POV_

My heart pounded the moment I stepped inside of McKinley High School that morning. It was my first day back, and it was decided, today was the day I would come out to Glee Club. I couldn't have been more terrified.

In the halls, people whispered. I could feel their eyes on me as they tried to figure out what had happened to me. I wore long sleeves on purpose so I didn't have to show my scars just yet. I avoided as many people as possible, and ignored everyone as much as I could, even my Glee Club friends.

A few people came up and asked me what happened. I hadn't thought about what to say before hand, most because I didn't want to keep lying anymore. I didn't say anything and just walked away, which I'm sure sparked even more roomers. But I didn't really care, my mind was elsewhere.

I couldn't concentrate in my classes. My every thought was consumed with the conversations Dr. Hunter and I had had or the conversations Rachel and I had had about coming out. I even had daydreams, well really day-nightmares about what was going to happen later that afternoon. Scenarios of the vicious things Glee Club could say played out in my head, and even though I knew I was being ridiculous, I couldn't stop them.

Every time I glanced at Rachel throughout the day, my look told a story. The first one in the hallway told her I was scared to death, the second glance in Spanish told her I really didn't think I could do this, the third glance at lunch told her I wished the day could go by faster, and the fourth glance in Geometry told her how badly I just wanted to get everything over with.

Rach and I met up after school before Glee to check in and ready ourselves for the next step. My hands were shaking, but she steadied them in hers.  
>"Are you ready for this?" she asked me.<p>

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but it needs to happen. I want to be better for you, and that means our friends deserve to know."

Rachel nodded and smiled. "I love you."

"I love you."

After a long embrace and a moment to steady ourselves, we walked into Glee Club. Mr. Schue was already speaking to the group. He knew I wanted to address everyone, so he was preparing them. Rachel sat in the front row, her eyes never leaving me, while I stood next to Mr. Schue.

"Quinn, you had something to say to the group."

"Thanks Mr. Schue," I turned my attention to Glee Club, my friends. I took a deep breath and began. "As you all know, I've been in the hospital for the past week. I didn't want any visitors, and I really appreciate you all respecting my wish for privacy. That being said, you deserve to know why I was there. Last week..." I paused, and took a breath before continuing. "Last week, I tried to kill myself."

Several gasps came from my friends. I pushed up my sleeve to show them the still visible scars.

"I cut my wrist because I was depressed. A lot of things were causing that depression, but it was mainly because of one thing, because of a secret I've been keeping from everyone for a long time..." I paused and looked at Rachel. Her eyes had never left mine. She nodded and smiled slightly for me to continue. My heart pounded in my ears. There was no turning back now, not when the woman I love is looking at me with such confidence and adoration.

"I'm gay," I finally said. "I'm gay, and... and for the past year, Rachel and I have been in a relationship."

Another chorus of gasps and words of confusion greeted us as Rachel stood and joined me in front of Glee Club. She took my hand in hers, and it felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Rachel wiped the tears that had begun pouring down my cheeks.

Rachel turned and addressed the group, "Quinn and I have been seeing each other secretly for a year, mostly because she's been so afraid to come out. All that fear and stress of not being able to be open about how we feel about each other led her to do what she did." Rachel said as she spoke for me while I cried. "While she was in the hospital she saw a therapist who has helped her come to terms with things. She also came out to her mom, which went well. And we knew letting you all know was the next step. We'd like you're support, and we'd also like you to keep it to yourselves for the time being. We're not ready to go public with this just yet."

Once Rachel stopped talking there was silence from Glee Club. I scanned the room through watery eyes and most everyone looked stunned at our news. Kurt, naturally, was the first to recover. He got up, wrapped me in a tight embrace and whispered words of support to me. Mercedes and Brittany were next, then Tina, Mike and Artie, and soon the rest.

Finn was the last to hug me, a confused look still on his face. "I don't exactly know what to say, but I've always cared about you, both of you, and I want to be supportive."

"Thank you," I whispered, knowing it must have been hard for him to understand how both of his exes could be in a relationship with each other.

After Glee, Rachel and I stayed behind in the choir room once everyone had left. Rachel ghosted her fingers over the keys of the piano, playing a soft melody I didn't recognize. I sat on the piano bench next to her and watched her perfect hands play for a long moment.

"I love you," I whispered. Rachel stopped playing and took my hand in hers, lifting it to her mouth and kissing my fingers.

"I love you too, and I am so proud of you," she said with tears in her eyes. My own tears joined hers, and I wondered for a moment if we'd ever be able to make it a day without crying. I rested my forehead against hers and said a silent prayer of thanks. I knew today, the day I officially came out to our friends, would stay in my memory forever.


End file.
